Book Recommendation: The Epidemic

While we're talking about kids, I'd thought I'd take some time to recommend to parents and parents-to-be this book: The Epidemic: The Rot of American Culture, Absentee and Permissive Parenting, and the Resultant Plague of Joyless, Selfish Children By Dr. Gary Shaw.

The book isn't as scary or politicized as the title suggests. Instead, it has sort of a "What to Expect" theme to it as far as children maturing into their formative years. It also talks about warning signs to watch for and deal with.

I don't want to write a full book review, but some of the themes and advice are as follows:

As a baby, do what works with your infant and ignore childraising fads, trends and categorical dos-and-don'ts from "experts". You have a 24-hour live-in expert on childcare, the baby itself. Breastfeed or bottle-feed if the child prefers either or both. The baby will have his own daily schedule for the first 4-6 months, but afterwards, should begin a normal human cycle--sleeping at night and eating periodically. (This approach is a good compromise between overly strict and overly lax childrearing approaches, i.e. Gary Ezzo vs. Dr. Spock).

Good childcare isn't something you can just cut a check for. Daycare centers, even if high quality, have great disadvantages compared to homecare; you should remove them if you see certain warning signs. Also, a child having too many caretakers throughout the week--parents, grandparents, sitters, daycare, etc.--could cause separation anxiety issues. He also discusses a "Four-Thirds Solution" for working families, where both parents together have 4/3 of a full-time job.

Their should be limits and boundaries to the behavior of children. Punishment should not be intended to make children suffer, but mirror real-life consequences (e.g. be made to leave a fun place if they act up; be made to pay for acts of vandalism with money they save). Parents ought not negotiate with their children to behave, and commands must be followed-up on. At all stages, the child should generally be pleasant to live with and be around; otherwise something is wrong.

A clear moral code which governs the family should be instilled to the child. A child's self-esteem should come from specific achievement which promotes a sense of being worthwhile, rather than empty praise. They should know how to emphasize with others.

Child media use should be much less than what is the norm. Children under 5 shouldn't be allowed to watch TV unattended, and children of all ages shouldn't watch anything which their parents wouldn't be willing to watch with them. All computer use should be monitored. Videogame playing should be limited, especially if it causes children to be fixated on the game or more aggressive when not playing.

Children's lives should not be overstructured. They should have healthy periods of unscheduled down-time and not a litany of after-school activities. They should not be compelled to hyper-achieve.

Here's the back cover of the book, where he gives some good advice in negative form.