Where tolerance ends

Is two men kissing one another on an airline flight tolerable behavior? That's the real question at the heart of this story. The question is not whether it is appropriate behavior - this is no longer a question in our very tolerant society. Appropriate is roughly equivalent to legal in this regard. But tolerable - this is another matter.

Tolerance implies some burden one is saddled with - and the sight of men kissing and otherwise being physically intimate is a burden indeed for many (most?) of us. It's just something I, for one, do not wish to see. Am I in a place to make a stink about it, were I in a situation similar to the men sitting behind the smoochers? No. While I don't wish to see it, I am realistic in that undesired sights are part of intersecting with others in an open society.

I am reminded of a visit to the airport, where on the way to my flight, I saw a fellow lose it, screaming, hitting the customer service counter with his suitcase, while (presumably) his wife stood by his side. That was something I did not wish to see - that man's extreme anger, which was indeed inappropriate (I wonder if he didn't spend some time detained by authorities after that stunt). I guess this isn't a good analogue - since his behavior was indeed inappropriate and by extension, intolerable. Still, it's something I didn't want to see at all in public.

For me, tolerance is not a finite definition. I have a sliding threshold which depends upon my state of mind and the expectations others are foisting upon me. Gay men kissing in the office next door is tolerable; in public, it's also generally tolerable if it's sporadic (i.e. not with the frequency one might witness at Dupont Circle on gay pride day). But it becomes less tolerable the closer the confines. Sitting behind two guys continually kissing on an airline flight would be getting close to my tolerance threshold, but I'd probably endure it - keep my eyes on reading material or shut completely. But were I seated next to them, this would likely be too much. Does this make me intolerant? Sure. But my question to those who have a problem with that is "so what?" Further, "Are you not intolerant? How do you survive tolerating everything?" I really don't think people think through their words very far, when branding some people "intolerant", while believing themselves above this assertion. I like what WFB had to say on the subject: "...the purpose of an open mind is to close it on some subjects..."

Then the question to me is "what if these were black men sitting next to you?" Well, if they too were kissing, then I would have my tolerance equally evaporated. However, this has nothing to do with their being black and everything to do with their kissing. You see, it's behavior that we choose whether to tolerate - NOT people. I will sit by a gay man as easily as I will a straight. I will have his "partner" and him over for dinner. They can even stay together in my guest bedroom. But I will not tolerate their having sex under my roof.

When did tolerance become "accept everything"?